Reflection - 11 Steps to Be a Good Listener

Source: Huffington Post

In the days since I wrote about 11 Steps to Be a Good Listener I've noticed a few changes in my listening habits, thankfully all for the better. I'm on Cape Cod this week with my mom, dad, sister, and her family. Family time usually means a few long, personal, and occasionally difficult conversations. You too? This has been a great opportunity/challenge to work on listening skills. Couldn't have planned this better!

Reflecting on conversations of these past few days, I've been more patient, made the effort to be present, and through all this found a greater appreciation for listening. Making the effort to be more patient made me embarrassingly aware of my habit of interrupting people when I think I know what they're going to say or (I think) I have something important to contribute. Recognizing this and holding myself back (most of the time) has lead me to focus more intently on the conversation and really listen to everything that's said.

Take the time to be present in your conversations, make an effort to appreciate everything a person is saying, and you'll be amazed at how it changes the conversation and your relationship with that person!  

On Listening - 11 Steps to Be a Good Listener

Source: quickmeme.com

Listen. Hear the crickets? The air conditioner groaning? The hum of silence? When did you last take a chance to stop and listen? For me, sometimes it feels like not often enough. Easy to fix when it comes to listening to your surroundings, but when it comes to listening to other people... it get's a little more tricky. I have better things to do. I have other things on my mind. Their opinions bother and bore me. Maybe I’m engaged and appreciative on the surface, but these thoughts occasionally creep in. Recognizing this opportunity to improve my listening skills and work on my relationships I'm going to take some time to read into the art of listening and share what I find with whoever chooses to read/listen.

To start off, I of course Googled "how to be a good listener”. First up is an article by social media strategist Caleb Storkey presenting "11 steps to become a good listener". Click here to read through his 11 steps. Don't be shy, connect with him on Twitter and read more about his marketing agency, Storkey Media. 

After reading this, check out Storkey’s free e-book, "Listening Skills - 30 Thoughts for the Day". There's a great thought in there that caught my mind. Here it is!

"Stop. Make Eye Contact. Enjoy the merry dance of ideas sparking and the vulnerability of eyes connecting."

The visuals are great! That’s exactly what a great conversation is, a dance of ideas, sparking. Get wrapped up in a conversation, lose yourself and enjoy the dance. I love it!

All 11 of Storkey’s steps seem to me worth taking to heart. I'll admit though, that I was at first a bit confused reading this. What about conversations that aren't the most pleasant? Arguments, disagreements, or those with someone you just can't stand! Those times when something inside you wants to bring someone down, you want them to know you couldn't care any less about their opinion or them for that matter. After mulling it over for a bit, I got past that gut reaction and realized it's just as applicable. In any situation I feel that putting the effort into bringing someone down, being angry, consciously being disrespectful is just a waste of energy and time that could be directed at growing valuable relationships, not to mention it's exhausting. Yet I still have trouble recognizing that when I get into a heated conversation, it's just too easy to get caught up in the moment! Thinking through this I realize I need to put more effort into listening and communicating with respect, patience, awareness, and presence in these types of conversations. Applying Storkey's steps to conversations I would enjoy with people I respect and appreciate is a cake walk. Finding the patience to apply this to difficult conversations.... might be a bit more difficult. I'll start with awareness. Just a bit more effort put into simple self awareness, recognizing how I'm feeling and my gut reactions, and awareness of the situation and the other parties in the conversation.

So, reading through those 11 steps, a few themes kept popping up. In addition to trying to be less of an asshole, these are my key take-aways from Storkey’s article, easy to remember and just plain good lessons for life.

• Be aware
• Be present
• Be honest (... when it's right)
• Be patient
• Be respectful

What do you think? Have you taken a chance to reflect on your listening habits? Find anything interesting? Share away! I promise, I'll listen. 

Get out there and be full of life